I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
