her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
