Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
