id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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