remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
