If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
