He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So many bounce houses so little time
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
