this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
why is half of my head shaved?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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