Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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