So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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