I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
