We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
