Can i not drive my cunt home
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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