At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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