i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
