Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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