Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
