u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
