your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
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