Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
