when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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