we're chasing vodka with high fives
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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