i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
