I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
