Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
