guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
