I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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