Cold hands, warm shart.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i think my mom watched the whole time
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
