we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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