Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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