I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
you're hired as official boob wrangler
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
