New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
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and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
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I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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