Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
