and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
mondays should just be called national damage control day
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
