He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
