Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
