We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
