Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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