you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
