whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
