Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
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