My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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