im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
