There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
