I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
