friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
