our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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