Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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