i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
