My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
