According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
