she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
