Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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