Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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