I'm pants shitting drunk right now
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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