i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
