Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
