Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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