I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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