So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
