Your face is a jimmy john
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
