Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
