if i died would you start the facebook group?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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