If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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