I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
my being single is dangerous.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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