Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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