Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
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I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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